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Witch Wandering

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  • OCT '16
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Day 11-12 // A Nero & Zero in Idyllwild

May 19, 2017 Pitch
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I wake at 4:30, coyotes still yipping off in the distance. The morning light begins to glow behind the mountains very faintly. The ground is warm and sandy like a beach.

I pop a little caffeine pill and sort my things around me. AJ asked me to wake him before I headed out, so I walk around the massive boulder and shake his foot.

"AJ!"

"Yeah!" He says sleepily from his half collapsed bugnet.

I pack my things quickly. Shake out the sand and heave my pack. I got plenty of water at the cashe and it's only 6 miles to Paradise Cafe, where we'll take a hitch into Idyllwild. My feet are in need of a zero day and rest.

We set off in the morning gloam. The air is cool and it's not too hot. I hike fast, the trail climbs a little and snakes it's way up and over hills and up into a saddle, into an amazing view.

3 miles to Paradise! I bide my time thinking about the food I'll order, wondering if I'll catch my friends there.

I put in some motivational music and it kicks my speed up. I'm flying up and over and around. Burgers burgers burgers!

Soon the trail dips and I can see the road out to my left and down a ways. A few dots of other hikers lingering around the gate. I call my boyfriend Rider, but realize it's 7am still and he's probably asleep, so I leave a message. I miss him a lot.

I'm in home stretch towards the gate and road, there's a handful of other hikers there and someone's abandoned food bag, full of food.

"They probably bailed," one of the hikers says.

AJ comes up from behind. One mile road walk to Paradise!

We set off along the sloping gravel shoulder, the angle hurts my ankles, but I don't care because: breakfast! I walk as fast as I can. Small tents are pitched behind the cafe building situated at a crossroads.

Just then, Honeybuns, Bananas, Knock on Wood, Fran and Annie are all there greeting us! We exchange hugs and are so excited to be reunited again. AJ and I had been alone together for what felt like eons. Time passes in such a strange way out here.

We all sit together, the rest of the group had already eaten and they lounge around in a mild food coma.

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I'm craving fresh fruit, but they have none on their menu. So I order a cinnamon bun, a side order of busicuts and gravy and a breakfast burrito. The cinnamon bun comes out with melting butter on top of it, the center is a sticky caramel dream. I consume everything quickly and voraciously.

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After we finish we all gather for a photo outside. The whole crew together at last! It's a rarity, since we al hike at varying speeds and make different stops along the trail.

Just as the waitress takes our photo a man in a pickup drives by and asks if we want a ride. We didn't even have to stick out our thumbs! Me, AJ, Bananas and another hiker named Fireball take the ride. The rest of everyone hangs back. Leaning against our packs, we bounce along the dusty road while the California bro like driver in a straw hat lights a joint.

Team No Trust! (because many of us are ex vegans and the saying goes "you can never trust an ex vegan") 

Team No Trust! (because many of us are ex vegans and the saying goes "you can never trust an ex vegan") 

He drops us off at a ranger station, several miles away from Idyllwild still and too far a road walk for tired hikers. We cross the road and stick out our thumbs. In no less than 5 minutes a lady is pulling over and yelling at us to hurry and throw our packs in the back of her SUV. We load up and she almost takes off without Fireball. He runs to catch up and jumps in.

The woman is heavily perfumed and heading to a real estate meeting that she's late for. She asks our names and where we're from. She asks where we all went to college. When it's my turn and I respond that I didn't attend college, I become exempt from the conversation about politics and schooling. So I sit quietly and stare out the window while the loudness of the conversation hurts my ears and the perfume burns my nose.

I don't resent the fact I never went to college, or had a conventional education. But it leaves me out of many conversations I've been in since I started this hike. It's as if I somehow don't exist once someone knows. I'm not seen. Or that what I do know, based on self education and experience is somehow null and void and not worth being validated. A part of me feels like a child again, desperately wanting validation, approval or acceptance but I internalize it all. I become quiet and allow the veil of invisibility to cover me. Why does this bother me so much?

She drops us off right by the public library and grocery store. She takes our photo before she drives off. We then wander into the grocery store, overstimulated, making mental checklists of viable resupply foods. We get a 6 pack of beer, some snacks and scope the town out on our way to a park where we can camp for cheap. We find the pizza joint, a brewery, coffee shops, the laundromat and finally the state park where all the hikers are at. It's $3 a night and we have access to showers. A dollar for one token that gives you 5 minutes of shower time. I buy four. I can't wait to wash the silty creek water out of my hair.

We spread all of our snacks and beer out on a ground sheet in the sun. We chat and drink, other hikers mingle around. AJ and Bananas make plans for the movie theater. I'm thinking about finding a place to hole up and write and drink coffee.

Hikers come and go. There's a picnic table in the middle of our designated camping area that acts as a hub. A food storage box turned hiker box get rifled through. There's burnt out gas canisters, olive oil, weird dried foods in bags and half used medical supplies.

As the evening moves on, there's more beer brought in by other hikers. Laughing and joking. AJ, Bananas, DG and I decide to go get pizza. Small groups of hikers huddle at circular tables. We all eye each other in some sort of silent hiker acknowledgment. The staff takes an awkward Polaroid photo of us for their wall of hikers. We order two large pizzas and eat until we can hardly move anymore.

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We wander back to camp in a pizza stupor. I am so full I feel delirious and I vow to never eat that much again. It grows dark and hikers are still drinking and cajoling around the picnic table hub. I gather my toiletries and limp to the showers where I take a luxurious 15 minute shower. I feel drunk with food and sleep in the dim light of the shower stall, trying to wash away all the dirt.

I feel warm and clean when I'm done and I fumble my way to my tent, where I curl up and fall asleep to the sounds of drunkish hikers and firelight.

The next morning I wake to Bananas sitting outside my tent, checking to see if he passed his BAR exam.

"What do you think this means?" I see the words PASS in an email on his smartphone. He is now Banana Pants, Esquire!

I crawl out of my tent and fetch left over pizza. AJ begs for a slice from his tent door, still in his sleeping bag. I give him the last slice. He shamelessly eats it next to his bottle of whiskey in the dirt. 

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Then, it's business time. I get laundry going and a coffee and I begin to write, write, write. When laundry is done, I move my way to the library, where I continue writing. Eventually, hunger overtakes me and I buy a small prepackaged blue cheese salad with bacon and tomatoes. I add in some chicken from the hot case. I take it all outside in the sun and assemble my lunch. A woman busks with a violin, and I eat my salad in a parking lot surrounded by mountains, sunshine and people coming and going in a parking lot. A strong wave of introversion comes over me as I watch the hikers mill around the front of the library. I wanna be alone and I am, but I can't seem to find that space, even on trail it seems. 

I gotta break away from everyone at some  point. I feel too dependent. How will you ever be able to do this when you're really alone out there? Will you even know how to be alone? 

I wander back into the library and crawl into a memeory tunnel vision of writing. Everything is blurry on the edges as I work up the passing of time on a computer screen. 

Soon, the librarian reminds me is almost closing time and by a stroke of luck, I am finished right at that moment. Caught up!  I can relax, a little. 

Anxiousness washes over me again. I worry that my friends will be upset that I want to break away, or that I will dislike being alone, or that I'll be alienating myself. Decisions.

I buy a 22oz of beer and decide to try and relax with the others at camp as evening descends on us. When I get there, other folks are drinking and hanging out. Some cooking dinners and others coming back from the movies. The conversation goes in many directions and I find myself becoming greatly irritated by an older hiker who mansplains to me, challenges me when I say anything semi intelligent and generally treats me as though I am only there to act as a smooth stepping stone for his inflated ego. But instead, I trip him. He hovers like an irritating fly, so I distance myself.

Then, Honeybuns and Knock on Wood show up with birthday things! It's Honeybuns birthday and Knock got a bunch of stuff together to celebrate. We put on pointy hats and sings songs, eat cake and pizza. We lightly plan out the next day of hiking, it's up and around Mt. San Jacinto! 9000 feet in elevation. The highest I've been with a pack on. I debate if I want to summit with everyone, and I lean towards not wanting to. It'll save my legs and I'll get the distance and alone time I've been needing. I decide to make the call at the spur trail when we go up in the morning. 

Night falls and there's a little clean up before we all tuck in. 5 days until our next town stop of Big Bear. My feet feel good and I'm itching to push myself and test my limits this round. 

I slip into my tent and push in my ear plugs and fall fast asleep.

 

 

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Thank you!
Soft fawn lilies, among the thorns and poison oak, like stars on the land all around me.
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At times, I forget where I live. I forget the goodness I have.
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This retrograde, in my own natal sign of Aries has been a doozy for me. From computer fixes, to my car needing $2k in work, to feeling stretched very thin... it's been very challenging. But also lessons in survival, lessons in recognition of what privileges I have, lessons in what to protect, lessons in when and where not to give.
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As Mercury seemingly glides backwards, so do I. Words are hard to make. I move with a slowness I never thought possible for myself. And while the mishaps and frustrations have been very grating, I surrender to this strange energetic current.
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Boundary has been my word this retrograde cycle. Throw the salt around your home, stand your ground to those who would encroach on your sanctuary, be firm with pushy bullying spirits. Appreciate those plants that burn, sting and pierce. Don't curse them! They only teach through example...
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#witch #plantwitch #fawnlily #wildflower #lily #spring #aries #retrograde #mercury #lessonslearned #boundries #witchesofinstagram #plantspirit #plantspiritmedicine #poisonoak #cultivatingsoftness #staysoft #butfierce #ariesseason #witchesofthenorthwest
I'm breaking my regular posting radio silence to say hello! and reintroduce myself in a way. I've gained and lost quite a few followers, so I wanted to say hey to those who may not quite understand who/what I'm about!
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• My name is Britton, or sometimes I go by Pitch. A name I acquired while hiking the Pacific Crest Trail in 2017. It's about pines, if you're wondering.
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• I'm a witch person. What does that mean? I means very simply that I live in liminal spaces, communicate and ally with the unseen: Spirit, ancestors, trees, plants, rivers, dirt, birds are my guides. I'm an animist and seeker of understanding the strange mysteries of our world.
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• I make a living through making perfume, slow plant medicine and reading tarot (link in bio if you're curious).
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• Herbalism is a big passion of mine. Plants teach us, heal us. And not just our physical bodies, but our spirits.
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• While I've been living in Oregon for 10 years now, I am originally from Georgia. I have and keep a few inflections in my accent from my time growing up in and around the south. Swamps and trailer parks y'all.
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• My sun and moon are in Aries and I'm Aquarius rising. I still battle with my aloof Aquarian nature 🤷🏻‍♀️
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• My education stopped at the 4th grade. I'm a homeschooled, uneducated weirdo.
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• Some folks say I'm intimidating, but really I'm just a giant friendly goof who likes memes about doggos. And I say HECK a lot.
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• I got ADD! And it's reeeaaal difficult to deal with sometimes, but I handle it by creating structures and being patient with myself.
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• I can be very quiet, until I'm not.
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• I turn 33 in just 19 days! 😱
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• I'm the oldest of 6 heckin kids!
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• I'm really into divination through cards and bones (maybe you noticed? 😅). I've been studying and using the tarot for 10 years now. It's cheaper than therapy and it'll whoop your ass into shape.
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That is my brief self summary 👋
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Who are YOU? Where did you come from, and most importantly what's yer dang astrological sign? 🤓
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#aboutme #hello #witchesofinstagram #ADD #aries #ariesseaon #arieswoman #perfumer #herbalist #witchesofthenorthwest #northwest #yurtlife #pagansofinstagram #animist #itme #selfiesforselflove
I want us to be imbued, by the land.
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Buried in our skin.
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Taking three steps back.
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Letting the Devil catch me when I fall.
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& he teaches me to find so many stars, also fallen: all scattered in the dirt.
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#juniper #desertsky #desert #easteroregon #storm #devillessons #thedevil #mystic #crossroads #fallenstars #mercuryretrograde #aries #ariesseason #myheart #riverlessons #ethericcurrents
🏔WA🏔
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Cloud mist clinging to rock. The night and day before this was so wet. And my rain anxiety had kicked into high gear. My tent floor, flimsy cuben fiber had tiny holes all in it, making a pool of water around my sleeping pad. It was a poor and very cold night of sleep. As it goes though, you wake up, a little miserable because you have a new definition of what physical misery is and you "cheerfully" trudge through salmon berry, thimble berry bushes, getting drenched from the rain that clings to them. Also acquiring new scratches to your already trashed legs. You come to the top of the long climb and there's the sun, the mountains, huckleberries, the rocks and alpine firs. Lay out all your gear, get your sleeping bag crispy dry, feel full on life and powdered cappuccino mix and continue on...
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My missing this is only growing. Even though in the moment I took this picture all I was dreaming about was avocados, French press, never walking again, being able to preen myself in a real bathroom, and a loaf of sourdough with a pound of butter.
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#pct2017 #yearoffireandice #pacificcresttrail #pacificcresttrail2017 #pct #thruhike #thruhiking #traillife #trailstories #northcascades #longdistancehiking #womenwhohike #mountains #mist #witcheswhohike #cascades #mountainheart #mountainblood #hikerhunger #feral #witchlife #pacificnorthwest #pnw #pnwonderland
At the end of this month I will be sending out an herbal tea that has saved me 1000 times from: anxiety, looping thoughts, lack of concentration, feeling emotionally scattered, ADD (actual diagnosis), creeping doom feelings, heavy emotional labor work, dealing with shitty people, stress... lots.
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Obviously I am not a doctor, obviously this isn't a medication if you're dealing with mental health issues. That's for professionals. This however has helped me. As a person who has limited access to professional care, most of my health care is in my own hands. So I read, study and make my own medicine, because that's mostly all I got.
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What is it?
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Deep nervines.
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Deep nutritives.
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Gentle herbs: tulsi, nettle, passionflower and skullcap and a few other herbal friends.
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Uplifting and yet, unknotting tensions we hold inside us. This stuff holds your heart and your brain in a gentle way.
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This will be going up in my shop eventually, but you can get early access through my Patreon for $20. Each month I send out a little herbal care package. There's 10 additional slots open for this round and you're all welcome to join me if it interests you. This tea package will come with four servings and a small guide on an easy tea meditation you can use with *any* herb to get in touch with it, fully experience its medicine, while also coming back to your center: your heart.
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You find a link to my Patreon in my bio 🖤 or, sign up to my newsletter that'll let you know when I'll be doing my shop update 💌
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#fire #woodstove #tea #mug #herbaltea #herbalist #nervine #adaptogens #herbalist #herbalism #woodstovelife #countrylife #yurtlife #ruralliving #witchinthewoods #witchesofinstagram #healing #plantspirit #plantspiritmedicine #oregon #oregonlife #soot #witchlife
Often I am curious about the content and nature of the heart of a mountain. I see it as red and molten, naturally due to my location. Especially of this one, Wy'east. From far away he is so intimidating, commanding, he rumbles. I've gone broke neck for him too many times to count, making me swerve when I'm in city traffic. And I've listened to his glaciers crack and thunder out along a ridge line I walked one afternoon, years ago. It shook me deeply. He has held me while I watched stars fall... But when you draw nearer, he seemingly shrinks. Your feet sink deeply into his hot sands, like he wants to trap you, to slow you at least from leaving. Like that aim is for you to be consumed, eaten. He seems hungry and restless for something so deeply fixed in the land.
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I miss that mountain a lot, now that I am further south. When I moved here, I had no clue whatsoever I was getting myself into. I will never forget driving down the 84, of that great river, and moss and mist, of basalt and cascading water...
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My nomadic childhood never allowed me a place to call home, and I did find it here.
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Something else is happening though, the deep restless finds me again and beats in subterranean places within me. I acknowledge it, I sigh, lust for living fills me to the brim and I grow joyous that another landscape will hold me and reshape me as this one has, eventually.
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